Tuesday, May 07, 2013

I can't empty my pockets!

Years ago I was fascinated by garments like the Scott E-vest, that offer lots of extra pockets, even electronically-aware pockets. I came to my senses, concluding that I should never wear any such clothing. It's hard enough to check four pants pockets and one shirt pocket every night. And I'm not that good at checking, either. That's why I'm guilty of laundering money. How could I possibly check sixteen pockets?

I own a few cargo pants today. They have those pockets-below-the-front-pants-pockets that I never seem to need. Whenever I feel my front pants pockets to see if they are empty, I decide they aren't, and dip my fingers in. And what do I find? Those pockets are empty, but I can feel the button for the lower pocket through the upper pocket. These mistakes do ensure that I won't leave coins in those front pockets by mistake...

While I'm at it, I'd like to mention one more pocket that some of my pants have. I call it the Oh-My-God-I've-lost-my-keys pocket. It is a great idea: a small pocket inside the front pocket for change. Fifty years ago, this change pocket was very small. You reached into it carefully with narrowed second and third fingers. Modern technology, I guess, has made it possible to widen the "change" pocket, so that I can slip my hand in there by mistake, and of course that means I feel no keys. The keys nestle just below in the real pocket, and I can't hear them, but they probably cry "April Fool" while I wonder frantically how I lost them.

I promised a diet update whenever my weight stopped bouncing between 218 and 219. This morning I weighed 214.8. That looks great, but I've recently been too sick to snack. I will fight hard to resist my physical desire to regain that weight, and I hope to work out a compromise with myself.

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