Q: Why did Arnold Schönberg use violas in his Verklärte Nacht?
A: It was the best he could do, because he hadn’t invented atonal music yet.
Q: Why did Mozart score his Sinfonia Concertante for violin and viola?
A: Because the Theremin hadn’t been invented yet,
Q: A violist and a soprano fall off a cliff; who hits the ground first?
A: The violist should have hit the ground first, but he missed it.
Q: What did paleontologists conclude when they found the fossil remains of a Tyrannosaurus Rex clutching a viola?
A: That the T. R. stunned its prey before killing it.
Q: What did paleontologists conclude when they found the 150 million-year-old shattered fossil remains of a sixty foot long viola?
A: That it knew how to fly, but not how to land.
Q: Why do many violinists think they can play viola?
A: They all know violists who think they can play the viola.
Q: Why aren’t there any viola solos in the last movement of Berlioz’ Symphonie Fantastique?
A: Because witches really aren’t that bad.
Q: Why didn’t Mozart write any awful notes for the viola to play in his Musical Joke?
A: It wasn’t necessary to write out the awful notes..
Q: Why do violas exist?
A: To prove there's more to creation than Intelligent Design.
Q: What do you call a violist who also airbrushes photographs, and paints?
A: Archie, we miss you.
Q: What do you call a violist who also writes TV scripts for Lassie?
A: David, we really, really, really miss you.