Sunday, May 01, 2005

The Internet is like a highway (hmmm):

There’s a joke(?) floating around on the Internet, in which the writer imagines what real highways would be like if they were like the Internet. I wasn’t impressed with his imagination, so I’m going to take shot at it. Please supply more suggestions!
If highways were like the Internet:

  • If there was no room to park at your destination, they wouldn’t even let you go there in the first place.
  • Just before you reached your destination, you might discover (error 404!) it doesn’t exist.
  • If you got lost, you could quickly go home and start over. But sometimes home would inexplicably change to another place.
  • You could usually drive quickly back to your previous destination, just as it was in the past.
  • Most toll boths would require a name and a password (but no money).
  • It’d be hard to drive fast because you’d have to steer around the thousands of billboards that are right on the roadway. If you accidentally hit any of these signs, you’d suddenly find you’re somewhere else.
  • The speed limit would routinely be faster in the city than the country.
  • Some places you visit would try to puts lots of extra drivers in your vehicle, to make it go elsewhere.
  • Traffic would often go one way at a time.
  • The more you drove around, the more your vehicle would fill up with food (cookies, anyway).
  • Over time the highways would get faster and faster, and require less maintenance.
  • There would be only three kinds of cars, but they would offer frequent upgrades.
  • Some places would look weird if were driving the less common kind of car.
  • You’d never see red lights or stop signs. There would be intersections, but you’d never see them either.
  • Roads would remember the people who’ve driven on them, rather than the other way around.
  • Drivers who couldn’t spell well would wind up in Eastern Europe.
  • You could go to several places at once. You could go to the same place at once.
  • You could go to a place to get its map, rather than get a map to go to a place.
  • ”Road rage” would be a desire to destroy your own vehicle, not the other guy’s.
  • (Pig added:) If you accidentally mistook a similar sounding exit for the one you really wanted, everyone might be naked when you got there.
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