I had planned to deadpan this blog entry and pretend it was truth, but my wife does not want me to put my life at risk. Here is some fiction for your perusal.
The media seems overwhelmed by all the revelations in Edward Snowden’s treasure-trove. Still, I am amazed that they haven’t gotten to this story yet. Its first mention appears in an NSA document laconically called “Manufacture” (very, very late March 31, 2008), and further details appear in numerous other secret memos. The NSA has developed tiny ID chips, nearly impossible to find, and it has forced American manufacturers of rifles and weaponry to embed them in their products. There has been a lot of international arm-twisting at high political levels, resulting in the cooperation of several international weapon manufacturers as well (you can find their names in the published NSA files).
Of course the NSA has distributed millions of sensor points throughout the USA, and these tiny chips also communicate with low-flying drones. The NSA knows the location of every rifle, semi-automatic, automatic, magazine and bullet manufactured in the last five years. And, cross-correlating with their other databases, they know where this materiel is, and who owns it. These tiny chips can also be programmed to self-destruct in a way that slightly damages a rifle’s aiming mechanism, causes magazines to jam, and interferes with a bullet’s ability to keep a straight course when fired.
Naturally, the FISA court that oversees the NSA has extended their judicial doctrines to rule that the second amendment can be abridged where there is a “special need”. I can’t imagine how loud the outcry will be when hunters and other upright gun owners find out about this.
You may be wondering why the NSA’s tiny chips have not been used against the far-right-wing groups that stockpile weapons and train their troops to resist a government incursion on their rights. This issue and similar ones are discussed in an NSA email titled “What if (tiny chips)”; you can look it up. Simply put: these groups are not terrorists.
The inner-city gangs whose internecine fighting kills hundreds each year, killing many innocent bystanders, are not terrorists, either. The NSA knows where their weaponry is, but they have no “special need” that allows them to deal with gangs. Ditto the drug overlords who distribute hard drugs to American citizens.
Actually, according to an NSA memo titled “More Security?”, a few drug lords were rich enough to buy inside info about the NSA’s program to monitor guns. Since drug violence is not always easy to distinguish from from terrorism, the overlords have been doing everything they can to batten down their distribution channels and stay out of the NSA’s crosshairs.
Bottom line? The NSA’s FISA court has sanctioned the destruction of 20% of our constitutional amendments. Where are our protectors of freedom? And which amendment is next? (Frankly, I fear for the tenth.)