An Excellent Nursery School Game:

When my son was three, he was one of fifteen kids in a nursery school class. The teachers played one game that the kids liked a lot. They would have all the children close their eyes. Then they would quietly take one child out of the classroom. Then the others opened their eyes, and the teachers challenged the children to figure out who was missing.

If you think about it, I'm sure you will see all sorts of benefits to making three year olds play this game. I have always remembered it, because I think the game would have been a good challenge for me, too.

This morning, after a BIG eating weekend, I weighed 219.6.

The Elderly do not need Vitamin D3:

Elderly people in this country, and I am one of them, apparently do not need vitamin D3. I say this, although my own doctor told me to take the vitamin. My evidence is based on the pill itself. Now a number of companies make this pill, and I believe that they do not all have the same point of view.


My pill manufacturer's D3 pills are tiny, and do they roll! They are almost round, and the "almost" factor makes them unpredictable in motion, like an American football or a rugby ball. They are hard to pick up, and super-hard to pick up when one is trying to grab several pills at once. When they escape and drop to the floor, they travel. Their ideal customer must have sharp eyes, be flexible and good at crawling under tables.

Today I weighed 218.6 pounds plus one vitamin D3 pill. Not bad.

Those Threatening French:

I present to you an anecdote about an accusation that was outrageous on its face, almost laughable, that seems to have come true.

In 1998, I worked for a consortium of rich people who wished to develop accounting software that was capable of tracking the values and assets of unusual kinds of capital. One of the things we did was to develop concise descriptions of how private banks for rich clients actually worked. One of our banks was a Swiss bank. I had several discussions with the bank’s two owners.

You cannot imagine how upset they were when they discovered that we were going to send a team of French Systems Analysts to learn and document their procedures. One of the owners explained to us that anything the Frenchies learned about their bank would inevitably be passed on to the French government. Here’s how they said it would work: the government of France would find some trumped up, terrifying charges to bring against our analysts. They would be blackmailed into spilling proprietary information about the Swiss operation to avoid going to jail for a long time.

“They could even make the French analysts steal information from us!” The Swiss bank owners insisted that the French routinely did that sort of thing.

We were sure that no such government blackmail would ever happen. But we treaded carefully in this case, nominating a team of people to study the Swiss bank that its owners found acceptable.

Now perhaps you have heard that the French military told Wikipedia to delete an article that has been on their site since 2009, an article that appears to contain publicly available information. The Wikipedia people asked the Direction Centrale du Renseignement Interieur what, specifically needed to be removed. They got no response, so they left the article up. (And of course, the article has now experienced the Barbra Streisand Effect.)

The French have arrested (I’m now quoting the fine writer Cory Doctorow from his detailed explanation at BoingBoing) “a random volunteer Wikipedia admin living in France -- a person who had never had anything to do with the post in question -- and threatened him with jail unless he used his admin privileges to delete the post.”

I must apologize to those Swiss bank owners for being – I thought – so paranoid.

This morning I weighed 218.8 pounds. I need to get back to 215 (my diet began at 225). I'm concerned right now that my appetite is not adequately under control.

Freudian Slip:

I forgot to weigh myself this morning. I hope that wasn't a Freudian Slip; but it reminded me of a good Freudian Slip.

Even way back in the 1950's, there were talk radio shows. The host on one show was interviewing a Hollywood personality, and he asked the guest about a couple who were rumored to have a rocky marriage. "Didn't they argue and shout a lot?"
"Oh, no," the guest said. "They're a very combatible couple."
And then after a pause, he added, "I guess that was a Freudian Slip."

April Foolery at ThinkGeek.com:

I subscribe to ThinkGeek.com's product listings, and occasionally I even buy something. I was busy this week, so I did not peruse their current catalog, which apparently was salted with April Foolery. Here are my favorites among their offerings:

• The Eye of Sauron Desk Lamp. (Doesn't seem to emit much light, but you wouldn't want to look at it.) Amazingly affordable at only $299.99. Will Kramer commented: Click to place Ordor.
• The Play-Doh 3D Printer.
• The Arsenic-Based Sea Monkeys
• Keurig K-Cup 5-star Meals. Gourmet Taste for the Ramen Budget. (Where were these, when I was on business trips?) 

I still dismayingly weigh over 219. Today should be a good day.

I Discover APL, and I am embarrassed:

In 1966, Kenneth Iversen came to New Jersey to give some lectures about his programming language called APL, which was causing a small sensation. This programming language required a large symbol set (the sort you found on a fine IBM typewriter rather than an ordinary card keypunch machine). It was, I think, one of the first programming languages to define operations in turns of the data to be processed. For example, the same symbol for summation could cause two numbers, or two vectors, or two matrices to be summed. The language used terse symbols to invoke powerful operations on data, and consequently, very powerful programs could be written in just a few abstruse symbols.

I went to one of the lectures on APL, examined the handouts, and hung on Mr Iversen’s every word. In the Q&A session, I asked a question. The handouts suggested that there was no way to call a subroutine in APL. How in fact, would I create APL functions and subroutines?

Kenneth Iversen frowned at me. What in the world made me, a young software punk, think that his elegant language required subroutines? Subroutines were old hat; no modern software system would ever require them again. Clearly, my question marked me as a slow-footed relic of the past.

My remark did more than annoy Iversen. A number of other people in the audience, well-dressed professors, agreed with him and expressed their annoyance in angry stage whispers. How could anyone think that APL, with all its concise power, might require subroutines?

I felt awful. I think of myself as a quick thinker, and here I was revealed as a dumbhead. All those important people agreed. No one defended me. And I felt even worse, because, well, I was sure that in order for APL to be useful, the language would need functions and subroutines.

The ability to write functions and subroutines was added to APL a year later.

After two days of banqueting, my weight has jumped to an alarming 219.4. I expect it to get back to 217 pretty soon.

Alex Rodriguez can help the Yankees this year (and next year, and next ...):

Alex Rodriguez can help the Yankees this year, and next year, and the year after, and so on. All he has to do is renegotiate his contract. I'm sure he needs two or three million per year to stay out of the poorhouse, but letting the Yankees keep the other $24,000,000 per year will make an enormous difference to them. Come on, Alex! Help your team.

This morning, I weighed 217.8 pounds. Not bad, I think. I am holding on to an eight pound weight loss since last November.

An unlikely (and good) drink:

I previously complained that soda drinks that have been carefully compounded to taste "just so" tend to lose flavor when you add your own flavorings. Diet Coke is one of those beverages. For example, I think that adding fresh lemon really spoils it. And yet, I tried the following drink (before passover of course) and it was good:
Diet Coke plus Kreider Farms Buttermilk (about two to one ratio).

This morning I weighed 217.4 pounds. Good news, considering the recent banquets and matzah I have enjoyed.

The Tucson Museum of Miniatures: The Mini Time Museum:

In Tucson, we visited an unusual museum. I suspect there are very few like it, although I hear it has a rival in Chicago. The Tucson Museum of Miniatures features many displays of tiny dolls, dollhouses, period boxes (that is, miniature rooms in which everything is appropriate to a specific time and society), war miniatures, and mini war tableaux.

The miniatures are displayed in a building that was designed, at (I suspect) great cost, to bring out that sense of childish wonder in us all. Some of the displays are under glass floors, and children take great delight in walking over them to see. Other displays are hidden in the folds of a venerable fake tree. Even something as simple as leaving the museum imparts a sense of wonder. Trying to open the exit door can trigger a spark that flits along a wall and manipulates a switch.

In a wonderful coincidence, we hid out from most of Tucson's rare snowfall-in-February in this museum. It is not a museum that you visit because one visits museums. It is a place to see because it is both wondrous and rare.

As Passover begins, I weigh 217.2 pounds. This holiday is dense with sweets and starch. I hope to report that my weight can stay under control.

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Dear Djaohn:

Friends of ours who live on a distant continent wired us a gift. Think of it as a fruit basket. The gift came - of course - with a personalized note.

There was a whopper of a mistake in the note. I assume that our friends dictated the note, over the phone or via the Internet. The whopper occurred during the hand-transcription of their very nice note.

You've heard me say this before: This is the 21st Century! The gift store should have made it easy for our friends to compose their note in a PDF. The store would then print their note and include it in the gift. It's so easy to do this! Let's leave error-laden hand-transcribed gift notes in the past.

Today I weighed even more, 217.6. I hope this temporary weight gain is due to this week's challenging circumstances.

iPad Mini: Pro and Con:

I’ve followed many analyses of the iPad Mini (which, I understand, is currently outselling the iPad). There is a critical issue about the Mini that analysts never mention! I shall discuss it here.

In general, the evolution of any sort of computer causes earlier versions to become obsolete. Computer obsolescence has been a sharp issue in the Windows world. Apple seems to want to maintain more compatibility for its older hardware, but inevitably older machines become obsolete: their displays are too small or too weak, and sometimes an OS upgrade, required for the newest software, does not work on them.

The original iPad suffers from some of this obsolescence. And note that some versions of the iPad and iPod do not support Siri.

Apple is up to version 4 in the iPad. For how long will the iPad 2 be able to run the most popular apps?

Now let’s look at the iPad Mini. If I were deciding whether to buy one, I would think first about the following Pro and Con:

CON: The Mini has most of the hardware of an iPad 2! When the iPad 2 becomes obsolete, so will the Mini. And with the original iPad already partly obsolete, the iPad 2 (and the Mini) will be next to fall.

PRO: The success of the Mini has placed Apple in a wonderfully awkward position. Think of the bad press they would garner if they made the Mini obsolete within, say, three years. The Mini’s success will force Apple to plan an upgrade path for the iPad that does not obsolete the Mini too soon. This consideration may explain why Apple is (apparently) not about to release an iPad 5. It’s good news to iPad 2 users.

By the way, I own an iPad 2 (with a gorgeous, irrelevant screen crack) and an iPod 5. I do not plan to buy a Mini. I expect to upgrade to an iPad “N” when I need another one of these machines.

This morning I weighed 217.2 pounds. Darn!

I want to Plug in my charger where I need it:

I have shared most of the observations that occurred to me during my recent vacation, but here's one for you hotel chain operators: when we customers return from our vacation adventures, chances are that our iPhone, or Galaxy, or iPod or whatever needs a recharge. Please make it easy for us to plug in, in the bathroom. You know what I'm saying.

This morning I weighed 216.2 pounds.

An IOS App that got better when I was on vacation:

If you follow reviews of iPhone and iPad and iPod apps (I'm sure the same is true of Android), you will sometimes find a review mentioning that the app it's discussing is FREE TODAY. But the review was written months (or days) ago; you're too late.

Wouldn't you like to think about "purchasing" any app on the day that it's free? How do you find these bargains? I use an IOS app called AppsGoneFree, courtesy of the App Chronicles website.

Each day I wait eagerly for the app to update with a new list of five to eight new "free today" apps. AppsGoneFree has a short description of each one, making it easy for me to zero in on the apps I might really want. Checking them out is fun.

AppsGoneFree usually updates between 11 a.m. and noon. (I live in New Jersey). But when we were on vacation in Tucson, Arizona, AppsGoneFree was even better; it usually brought me the good news as early as eight or nine! I suspect the human beings behind this app live in California.

This morning I weighed 216.2 pounds.

Compensatory Action:

You know how it is when you think you have two separate problems, but then you see how they come together, and you realize that what you actually have is: one problem, and one solution.

Our local newspaper, The Times of Trenton, reports that the NJ Department of Transportation will give a grant to the nearby town of Hamilton. In Hamilton, people are distraught about the slaughter of pedestrians by motorists. The Times reports that people hope to find a way to improve the odds of pedestrians versus motorists.

I have a solution to this problem. If the state sponsors a study, I’m sure it will come to the same conclusion. Just two words:

Assault Rifles.

This morning I weighed 217.2 pounds.

A hint about trash cans:

Sometimes, before you begin a task, it's a good idea to move the trashcan to you, instead of going to the trashcan. That's my tip for today. I came up with this idea after:

(1) Trimming flowers at my dining room table, to make a flower arrangement. I had to keep carrying discards to the trashcan, but only because I failed to put the can next to me before I started.

(2) Cleaning junk out of my car and carrying each handful to the outdoor trashcan, which I could have moved next to the car.

This morning I weighed 217.4 pounds. My weight has stayed almost the same for about a week. This is not bad news. It suggests that I have retained some of the weightless that occurred when I was sick. I am now, I hope, ready to lose more weight. I have lost almost eight pounds since December, and I am almost ready to relate the anecdote I could not tell you, when I weighed 225 pounds.

A new iPad spreadsheet named "Permanent": Let's do our own kickstarted:

I am not happy with the state of spreadsheets on the iPad. A newcomer has joined the fight, aiming to give us a better spreadsheet interface. Here's a review from 148apps. As you can see, there's a lot to say for it, but Permanent needs more development. I bought it partly to encourage the developers. Let's get some money to them, and hope that they shake up the iPad Spreadsheet market.

By the way, I think that 148apps is an excellent source of reviews for iPhone, iPad and iPod software.

A Seville Orange Drink:

This morning I weighed 217.6 pounds.

I was lucky to find just a few Seville Oranges at my local supermarket. I've never made any kind of jam. After tasting the orange (very bitter), I tried the following excellent drink:

Juice one Seville Orange (about two ounces of liquid). Pour into a glass and add about six ounces of Sprite Zero. Delicious!

I used to love Coca Cola with half a lemon. The "old" coke (with sugar, not corn syrup), was resilient about mating with fruit flavors. Modern soda drinks that have been carefully compounded to taste "just so" tend to lose flavor when you add your own fresh flavorings to them. I do not, for example, enjoy fresh lemon with diet coke.

But Diet Sprite is a small miracle. I don't think it was created to taste like something else. It just has its own quiet taste, that enhances the flavors you add to it.

A Good-Deed Reward:

This morning I weighed 216.6 pounds.

I wonder if you’ve ever had this experience, most likely when you are far from home: you are paying for your purchases at an unfamiliar supermarket. The cashier asks if you have the card for that particular supermarket chain, and you don’t. When the cashier learns that you do not have a card, he or she turns to someone nearby, perhaps a regular customer, and asks to borrow their card so that you get the lower price bargains. I’m not sure this is what the supermarket owners have in mind, but it gives the visiting shopper a very pleasant feeling.

And that’s nothing. I can take this anecdote to the next level.

In my case, I was at a Fry’s in Tucson. When the cashier learned that I did not have the card, she called to the shopper who had just paid, ahead of me, “Rodney, can I use your Fry’s card for this guy?”

Rodney frantically searched his pockets. “Did you give my card back to me?”

They found the card misplaced near the register. She used it for my purchases, and returned it to a very happy Rodney.

This morning I weighed 217.4 pounds.

I hear that the movie, Jack the Giantslayer, isn't doing as well as hoped. That's a pity, because I thought this movie was going to start a new, exciting trend.  I wanted to see the IMax version of Three Blind Mice.

The User/Car Interface: Rear View Camera.

This morning, I weighed 216.4 pounds again.

The Ford Taurus I rented on vacation had a rearview camera for backing up. (The car also produced all sorts of beeps to warn me of any motion that might suggest something was approaching the rear of my car. Once, it beeped to warn me of cars driving on a highway behind me, although there was a low wall between me and the 100-foot removed highway. These beeps are a charming work in progress, I think.)

I absolutely loved the rearview camera, even though it was one more thing to look at as I backed up. I still looked at the side mirror, the overhead mirror, the side windows and the inadequate rear window, but I remembered to view the camera screen, and it helped. I decided that when I got home, I must add a rearview camera to our 2009 Corolla sedan.

When we got home, I drove an old Toyota Corolla wagon that has real, true, rear vision. No need for a camera at all. Let me tell you: being able to see, actually see, what is behind you, is far better than a rearview camera. What a difference!

Sadly, the rear view behind my 2009 Corolla is not that good. I still think this sedan needs a rearview camera.

The User/Car Interface: Confusingly Documented.

This morning I weighed 216.4 pounds.

I rented a Ford Taurus on vacation, and it came with a 500+ page manual. There is no excuse for this gigantic tome. Ford has published a one-size-fits-all manual, covering every possible variation of options. The single most common phrase in the manual is “if equipped”. The car owner has to wade through dozens of irrelevant pages to decide how to control the car that he or she happens to own. (I’m blaming Ford here, but I believe most other car manufacturers commit the same manual-publishing sin.)

I think the worst case of these “if equipped” sections concerns the three possible key options. All sorts of matters differ depending on whether you got an old-fashioned car key, a key that can open the doors remotely, or a key that never goes into an ignition (and the car senses its proximity).

This is the 21st century! I’ll tell you how the big car companies should print their manuals: On Demand. The dealer should make the car’s computer communicate with the printing computer. (The car’s main computer must know what options the car has.) Then the printing computer will print a manual with the owner’s name on it, containing only the text relevant to the options in the owner’s car.

It’s so simple. How long do we have to wait for car manuals like that?

The Computer/Car Interface, a game-changer:

This morning I weighed 216.2 pounds.

During my long career as a software developer, everyone held up the automobile as an example of a clean, obvious, trivial-to-learn, easy-to-use, user interface. If you can drive a car, you can drive them all, right?

Not exactly. Not anymore.

Now that manufacturers can design a computer interface for the driver’s convenience, cars can all be different, and it is no longer easy to guess how to perform every function. Fortunately, the most important parts of the interface – the lights, the steering, the brake and the accelerator – haven’t changed much.

My rented Ford Taurus came with a 500 page manual. Many of those pages explained how to control the heating/AC, the radio, the mp3 player, the USB player, the CD/DVD drive, the instrument panel and the computer interface, by issuing voice commands. For most of those commands - trust me on this - if you haven’t learned a Ford Sync car before, you’d never guess the interface; you have to STUDY it.

Leo Laporte, at the TWIT network, loves the Ford Sync features and controls. Having learned some of the commands, I understand his enthusiasm.

Who can possibly learn hundreds of car commands? The owner of the car, that’s who. As you spend thousands of hours driving, you can gradually build up your inventory of commands. And then you have a terrific incentive to buy the same brand of car next time, so that you don’t have to learn an entirely new set of commands.

Within ten years – trust me on this, too – most auto manufacturers will standardize the car-computer-user interface. Most likely, they will make it possible to control a car from any major brand of smart phone. But for now, we have these manufacturer-specific experiments. They place a great burden on the car-rental driver, who – of course – now has a great incentive to always rent the same brand of car.

The bottom line: beyond the basics, Ford, BMW, Cadillac and a few other brands have managed to make the car as abstruse as a new computer.

Where should I put the keys?

This morning I weighed 215.8 pounds.

While on vacation, we rented a Ford Taurus with Ford Sync. (I enjoyed giving the car voice commands: "Climate: 68 degrees.") The car used those Smart Keys that don’t even have to be inserted into an ignition. The car will start as long as the keys appear to be inside.

For days I had the same problem. I would use the keys to unlock the door (which turned out to be unnecessary), sit down, start the car, and then look at the keys in my hand. Where should I put them? At my weight, in a seat belt, it’s not that easy to reach into a pocket. I wished there was a hole I could shove the keys into.

I solved the problem by hooking the car keys securely to my belt. I only needed to grasp the keys to lock the car (I bet that was unnecessary also), and to unlock the trunk.

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Show us your ...:

My diet continues. (I began at 224 pounds on December 3, 2012.) This morning I weighed 215.4 pounds. The additional loss of 4 pounds in the last two weeks seems wonderful, but in fact I have been sick. Usually, when my health recovers, I turn ravenous and eat the pounds back. This time, we shall see.

I was on a wonderful vacation (more about that in future blog entries), so I did not see the Academy Awards number, “Show us your Boobs” until YouTube. People have criticized this number for being very sexist, but I think you should give the Academy a few years to provide a balanced approach. I expect to see “Show us your Junk” on the Academy Awards program within a few years.

How to write a manual for an automobile:

Every good writer tries to avoid overusing phrases. A phrase that appears again and again, in any writing, is there for effect, or else it is there to annoy.

I have been reading the manual for a modern Ford, and in its 500(!) pages , there is one phrase that appears much, much too often. That prase is: if equipped.

This is a one-manual-fits-all book. There seem to be dozens of optional features. There are options within options. It is clearly hell to try to concentrate on what one has actually got while reading the manual. The worst case, I think, is the keys. There are manual keys, keys that can do a few remote commands, and smart key that don’t need to be plugged in. They behave differently in many ways, requiring more than a dozen “if equipped” alternatives.

For goodness sakes, you car manufacturers! This is the 21st Century! Have you ever heard of “print on demand?” The dealer should print the manual for a specific car after it is equipped and when it is being sold. The car’s computer knows most of the options, so the dealer can copy the options to a USB key. The dealer can feed this info, plus some external option selections, into the printing program. And the buyer will get a book that applies to This Car Only.

Will it be a pleasure to read? Well, not quite. One more writing change is needed. This Ford manual, which I believe is typical, interleaves instructions with all the necessary dumb warnings. The sensor will not work if it is blocked. The HD radio station might disappear if the signal is weak. The rear camera is no substitute for paying attention and looking in the mirror. (This truly important advice appears over and over in the manual.)

Write these warnings all in one place! Then the buyer will have a manual that is a pleasure to understand.

Watch the Retiring Pope:

There's an awful rumor that after Pope Benedict XVI  retires, he will become a consultant for one of those enormous military/tech companies that does business with the Vatican. Buying armaments from the Swiss Guards and such. You know.

Let it Snow, Let it Rain, Let it Snow:

This morning I weighed 219.6 pounds.

Today, we have a really unusual weather forecast for Central New Jersey:
4 a.m.: Snow
7 a.m.: Rain

10 a.m.: Snow
1 p.m.: Rain

4 p.m.: Snow
7 p.m.: Rain

10 p.m.: Snow

I wonder what will REALLY happen.

Taking a break in my Diet:

This morning I weighed 219.4 pounds.

It has been fun posting my weight every day, and I'm sure that's the only reason I have lost some weight. I had hoped to lose 10 pounds by now, but I really seem to have taken five off, and that's gratifying. I shall take a break for a few weeks - blogging less often - and around March 1, I shall pick up the detailed dieting again. I shall be devastated - and frank about it - if I fail to preserve my weight loss in February.

Thanks to all of you who read my blog, for giving me the impetus to lose.

Shelby Lyman Chess: Again:

If you follow the anonymous "Chess" newspaper column that, I believe, is prepared by Shelby Lyman, you may have been puzzled by his diagram of the game Aronian/Anand from the current Steel Tata tournament. The "Chess" column's diagram leaves you wondering why black didn't simply fork king and knight by playing 23. ... Nf2ch.

There is a white rook at f1 (missing in Lyman's diagram), that's why. Anand's actual move is stupendous. 23. ... Bd3 prevents white's queen from protecting h3. Black threatens Qxh3ch, and there's nothing to be done about it.

At this web page, you can play through the game and see the correct finish. The whole game is amazing, in fact. See Kavalek's analysis here, where you can also play through the game step by step, with Kavalek's comments.

Super Bowl: the Ninth Plague:

Today I weight 219.8 pounds. Bouncy, bouncy.

Although I rooted for the Ravens in the Super Bowl, I do think they won because of three terrible calls by the referees. But they might have won anyway if the lights hadn't blinked out for 33 minutes. I've heard that the lights-out delay, plus the long half-time, plus the vagaries of the game, meant that the Ravens' quarterback did not throw a pass for an hour and a half -- a long time to get rusty.

When the lights went out, it was like the Ninth Plague. The Forty-Nineryptians were plunged into darkness, but on the other side of the field, the Ravenites had light.

This morning I weighed 218.8 pounds. That's exciting: it's my lowest weight on my diet that started at 225.

"Raven's" (that's how many people know me on Facebook) congratulates the Ravens on their superbowl win. Congrats also to Colin Kaepernick for showing so much class in a losing effort.