Collected Closed Captions:

Do you watch movies and TV with the "Closed Captions" (an onscreen script, more or less) turned on? We do, because we want a fighting chance to understand what people are saying. When captions are added to a movie, the captioner has time to think carefully about how to describe sounds other than speech. You’ll see useful texts like “subway in distance”, “talks in Greek”, or “subdued punk rock sounds.” Here are a few of my favorites:

• (No audible dialog or sound effects)
  
• (Both chuckle evilly.)
  
• (door snicking shut). You can look it up: this use of “snick” is reasonable, if obscure.